And that's the story of my life. I was fat (true story) since a little kid. I remember pictures of me and my brother, who is two years older, me - a fat face, and him being slim and tall. It hasn't changed much. Standing next to my brother I looked like a massive tomato, not an apple or pear (or whatever are the names of body shapes), I was a regular tomato - big and red. And acne (it went away after couple of years; but guess what - I have scars all over my face :))...
Anyway, it never bothered me until I was about 15(?) That's the time I went on a diet and lost about 10 kilos in 3 months or so. I was so comfortable with my own body that I even started to dress up like a girl! No jokes.
Then came high school. I pretty much kept my weight and my new friends were shocked when they found out how I used to look. I felt really proud of my new body. But, as the time passed, I gained a little and forgot all that fuss about being fit and slim... And my so-called friends would nag me about diets, excercise, my appearance, the fact that I don't wear make-up or dye my hair (which I am proud of actually). But it hurt inside, it still does. You do your best, you do what you are suppose to do when you are 16 - you learn. But this is not my friends were about to all the time. As we all wanted to be grown-up and 'cool', we really cared about how we looked and presented ourselves.
And I was the fat one. Or at least this is how I felt. I am obviously not the skinniest one around. Nor the fattest. But hearing all those comments makes you feel worthless. Even pressure from your parents telling you about your belly being floppy.
And then I hit the time when I met my boyfriend. As I said, I was always on the chubbier side but over the last year it became much worse. And I have heard thousand of comments and jokes abound my belly, big butt, thighs, muffin top (at least boobs have gone bigger, right? like that made it better...). Hearing every so often about your imperfections makes you really insecure so badly that you become to think about yourself as someone insignificant. You soak up all the negative comments and play it on repeat in your head - finally, you forget what you once believed. Now you have the one and only truth - you are fat!
And yes - this is what I say to myself. I am aware of how I look in everybody's eyes. It makes me feel terrible. But I didn't make any change in the way I live. It didn't motivate me to lose weight. It only made me smile less. So yes, good job you guys, you took away somebody's happiness away.
Lesson of the day - saying nasty things about other people not only doesn't make you happier, but it also (mainly) makes that specific person REALLY depressed. So even if you believe you are saying it in good intentions... well, try something else. If anybody dragged me to the gym or accompanied me in my excercises... Why the hell not?
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